I saw your hands today.

i saw your hands once more today, as I squeezed a small amount of dish detergent on to the dish towel, to scrub out the grease and then hang it up on the sink to dry. I see glimpses of you without any warning, and I know you direct these visits to happen. You must get moment passes from heaven’s motherly chores to come visit me, and say hello to a son that misses you every breath of my life. Once I looked to the way a lady was walking down the middle of church to receive communion, and had to look away for it was you walking, in those oh so classy aqua heels of yours. I took a second glance at the flip of a woman’s perfectly styled Italian hair, and thought.. Wow Mama, would do the same thing to her hair in this moment.. I am not sure where these moments of memory go to after they enter my life, but I for sure know where they come from. I miss you Mama everyday till we meet again.. everytime I respond to love from friends, and everytime I say so long to someone so close.. with a large hug, and small peck on the cheek.. when someone tells me, wow, that was nice that you did that nice thing for someone else,. when I wipe the small tear away whenever I hear Ava Maria sang, and think of all the times we listened together so happy. . The chill in the air, the way you loved Christmas, the way I do still., the amazing way you made me feel safe and loved, and a winner, even when I failed so miserably. The many times I made you watch me, juggle, or dance, or badly try to cut my own hair. The times you made me tell my brother I loved him, and I was sorry, when I said something bad to him.. the advice you gave me, when my heart was broken, my pride was bruised, my drama of growing up, too fast.. and you telling me ,,, slow down, good things come to those who wait, or the time you told me, you were just so worried for me, for you wanted to know, who was going to take care of me when I am old… I saw your hands once more today, as I squeezed a small amount of dish detergent on to the dish towel. come visit anytime, my heart’s door is always open. Once I caught a wiff of your perfume. ……..”that” was special. f.messina 11.7.22